How to be the Perfect Human Servant to Your Feline Overlords: A Guide to Cats

 

I am nineteen years old and since the age of five, I’ve been constantly surrounded by cats. As of now, I have ten cats under my care, whilst over the course of fourteen years, I have had well over twenty of them. That means, I have spent roughly 75% of my life without any resemblance of privacy, been subject to constant bullying, paid thousands of euros in expensive (and pointless) toys—-but aside from being a faithful servant, I have also received bountiful benefits. And these are far more than just the joyful sensation of petting a neat fur: my bones and my heart have received constant support, and any stress or anxiety induced by work has been alleviated as well. 

 

As you might’ve been able to guess, there is more to cats than merely being a mostly self-caring house pet with the occasional and heavily opinionated glare. If anything on that list of benefits I have been provided with by being a proud cat owner surprises you, worry not, you are most likely not alone. Most cats—including cat owners such as myself—don’t understand cats, but this article should help clear up some misconceptions, and provide interesting new titbits that might help you take care of your feline overlord, or hopefully convince you to take in one of your own. 

 

I sincerely hope that after you have finished with this article, you will not only discover how to take care of a cat properly, find out interesting facts, but also walk away with a new perspective of an animal otherwise shrouded with one too many stereotypes and myth.  

 

Important Announcement to the Concerned:

However, before we get properly started with this article, I have been informed that some may perceive my authorial voice to be oddly reminiscent of chatbots—that is, per the general populace’s understanding, “artificial intelligence”. I hope I must not overemphasise my distaste regarding AI and how blatant it has become for educated and articulate individuals to be needlessly blamed for using that thing of plagiarism. And when I say plagiarism, I do not mean academic plagiarism.

 

See, AIs such as ChatGPT are far more A than intelligent—these chatbots copy and paste the style they had stolen from the internet and freely available, uncopyrighted (and sometimes copyrighted) material and have slowly began pushing the general population towards distrusting this style of writing. If this were a political article, I would diverge into conspiracies how this is affecting the people alongside the academic world and is instilling inherent distrust in our fellow man and woman, leading to a cultural and linguistic shift that is headed in a direction not at all appropriate for a “modern” society, but I digress. Nevertheless, for those curious enough, I do recommend reading UNESCO’s report regarding the impact of AIs on our concurrent linguistics. 

 

If you find yourself in doubt of this article’s human integrity, I do recommend for you to read some classical or modernist literature—Sylvia Plath’s use of em-dashes in her poetry is especially striking, but that should be unpacked in an English literature class. 

 

01 Domestication  

Some might be familiar with the thought that cats had domesticated themselves due to our booming agriculture and subsequent rat problem. Where there is a barn, there will be rats, and where are rats, there will be cats. Smart little felines realised that barns were made by man, and from there on the evolutionary trajectory was set: befriend the barn-builder and live a life of luxury and comfort. 

 

The story is not inherently incorrect, but most people have their timeline wrong—on the historical timeline, all that separates the domestication of cats and dogs are roughly 3,000 years. It had not been done in the Middle Ages, nor during the times of the Roman Empire, nor during the times of Ancient Egypt. Cats have been our friends for about as long as dogs have been, and to a much greater cultural impact than one might imagine. 

 

The domestication of cats dates back to the Neolithic Age, which for those unfamiliar with ancient history was the last stage of the Stone Age—a time of cultural and technological revolution that lasted 10,000 BC to 2,000 BC. It marked the beginning of early agriculture, and from the mere mention of the word, I assume you already know where this story is headed. 

 

Now, most of these things might be obvious to some, to others entirely new. What most people don’t quite realise is the effects of domestication itself. A common and prevalent rumour speaks of how cats haven’t changed almost at all compared to domesticated dogs, who have deviated from their ancestry to such a degree that they’re practically dependent on us for their survival, unlike cats who can comfortably live in the wild but also on the comfort of our couch. What differentiates cats and dogs is not the impact of domestication or selective breeding, but the appearance thereof.

 

Indeed, cats have tragically not escaped the clutches of evolutionary consequence as far as selective breeding is concerned. A house cat may be capable of living in the forest and surviving—even thriving—but the fact of the matter is that through selective breeding we (humans) have introduced a number of hereditary mutations and genetic deficiencies. Take the flat-faced Persian cat, for example. They are adorable and behave like any regular cat, but are no different from their dog-equivalents who suffer from flat-faces and suffer a myriad of breathing issues. The Scottish Fold? Skeletal issues that make their bones brittle, which reduces their life expectancy significantly if not kept indoors. 

 

Herein comes the ethical question then—if I were to get a cat, what cat should I pick? And the answer is, most definitively not a “pure breed”. 

 

The thing about “purity” itself when it comes to animals—or even humans for that matter—is that people tend to have a skewed perspective of its meaning. In aesthetic terms, yes, purity of the genetics of a being might result in appealing traits, but in the process the animal suffers significantly. Genetic diversity, and ergo the loss of specific desirable traits, is great for evolution and health. The more diverse a cat is in terms of its heritage, the more likely it is to live absent of chronic issues. You may not get a cat with the specific coat colour and patterns you would have liked, but in turn the cat won’t suffer for the rest of its life. 

 

Last December I have taken in an adorable kitten named Dot. That adorable ball of sunshine can barely stand on all four legs, suffers from terrible coordination issues, and has a neurological disease that cannot be cured and cuts her expected lifespan in half. The cause for this? Inbreeding between siblings that is prevalent among breeders who advertise their animals as “pure breeds” and aim for specific aesthetic traits. Little Dot was found on the side of the road in the cold, barely able to move due to her chronic condition. 

 

02 Where to get a Cat? 

Having touched briefly upon the impact of domestication and selective breeding, the question arises where you can adopt or find a cat in the first place. The straightforward and comical answer is that the cat chooses you—indeed! You must await the day the cat distribution system blesses your lives. But worry not, that is not the only means you can get a cat, nor the only ethical one. 

 

As mentioned before, pure breeds of cats or any animal involve the potential for a myriad of issues. Both health-related for the cat itself, and ethical ones as most breeders are not the reliable sort and the whole business is riddled with questionable practises. It might be a tempting thing to get a pretty, purebred cat and show off to your neighbours how much money you have spent on it, but to be frank, it is a waste of money and time going through the process of acquiring one, on top of the aforementioned ethics. 

 

Shelters! Yes, you have heard that right. Getting a cat from shelters or cat-saving-organisations such as SOSMacky and Opustene Macky (here in Slovakia, anyway) is one of the best ways to get a cat, and is the most ethical and least expensive on top. The organisations typically provide an in-detail description of the cat’s behaviour and attitude, making it easy to pick one that best suits your household, and take care of the documentation, vaccination, and even suit your cat with a chip in case it would get lost and found by somebody else. 

 

But should you get a kitten? It is so tempting to get a cat baby, isn’t it? They are adorable, small, cute, and all those positive words we use to describe babies. The answer, however, is complicated. Are you willing to sacrifice your after-work sanity to a hyperactive kitten? Are you willing to stand the test of constant meowing and attention-seeking that won’t stop after five minutes of play? Are you willing to sacrifice a few carpets and furniture to the claws? Are you prepared to treat your own injuries as the kitten learns its own strength? Are you willing to wake up in the middle of the night because the kitten decided to zip and zap around the living room, crash into the mounted television, and discover that the television broke, and the kitten now has a bloody paw from the collision? 

 

Kittens are difficult. Even more so when there is only one, and generally speaking, having two or more is not easier in the slightest, even if it improves their social development by being raised in duos or groups. While it is tempting to start from the beginning by getting a kitten and building a strong bond through those means, you must genuinely ask and reflect on yourself whether you possess the time and energy necessary to take care of these little fluff-balls. The description of the television breaking? That was not a bit—it is what my now-ten year old cat has committed when we first got her, and my dad still fumes about that television years later. 

 

Raising a kitten compared to a puppy is entirely different. You can’t “teach” a cat anything. They might learn some ground rules or commands, such as come here, sit here, don’t do this specific thing, but cats rarely internalise these as dogs do. You can’t scold a kitten for having done something, you cannot teach it different behaviours, and in the case the kitten has a specific personality, you will be stuck with that personality forever. Worst of all, said personality is a surprise gift you will figure out only a year after having first adopted it. And by then, it’s too late to do anything. 

 

The best and surest way of getting a cat with the traits and behaviour that is best suited to your home (house or apartment) and to your own personality is by getting an adult cat from cat rescue organisations. If you’re looking for a calm individual or an energetic companion, there is a myriad of options presented to you through their websites and are generally reliable. It reduces the possibility of you getting annoyed with the cat long-term, and takes off the weight on your shoulders of having to deal with the crazies of a kitten. 

 

Generally speaking, adult cats or senior cats are far better behaved and loving than kittens. They are calmer, more experienced in how to behave inside a house (and outdoors), and will express their appreciation for being loved in far more meaningful ways than a kitten would. 

 

03 Why Get a Cat?

Well, why do it? Why not get a dog? A fish? Or perhaps a tarantula? 

 

Cats provide a specific kind of comfort. It differs from cat to cat—some are clingy, others are distant—but characteristically it’s a warm kind of love. Personal. They won’t follow your every step, and they won’t demand 24/7 attention like dogs do. What they will do is choose their own time and space to express their love and will do so often in peculiar ways. My cat, Misha, likes to sleep beside me and sit on top of my head. That’s her way of showing her love. My other cat, Coal, he will hiss and groan when I try to pet him but strangely in the late evenings he’ll come on his own accord and sit in my lap and purr spontaneously. 

 

This difference in love expression is what makes it so important to choose a cat that suits you, as was previously mentioned. Cats often get a bad reputation for supposedly not caring about their owner at all—-well, that’s outright not true; Misha barely ate and moved for a whole week when I was on vacation, and after returning she’d sit on my shoulder as I’d walk around the house. Weird, right? But that’s cat love for you. 

 

Here comes the fun part! A cat’s purring has healing qualities. Yes, you might have already known that, but you might not have known the extent of that statement. A cat’s purring causes a specific kind of vibrations, and it has been found that at that frequency that the cats emit, these vibrations have a particular effect on bones. They help strengthen bones and improves tissue repair. It is beneficial both for the cat—for whom bone health is of utmost importance due to their climbing activities—and for you as well, since sound is not constrained to the cat itself and will affect you when they are nearby. 

 

Aside from that, a cat’s purring also has great effect against anxiety and stress. While a dog might be loving and loyal to a fault, a cat’s love has a quieter and more subtle quality that aids greatly in combating stress or anxiety problems, and so, when after a long day of work you finally return home, letting your cat sit in your lap while you rest is one of the best home-made remedies against your problems. Chances are that the cat will seek you out in those moments to comfort you—currently, I have ten cats, and six of them display this behaviour, which makes it highly likely for your eventual cat to do so as well. 

 

04 How to Care for a Cat? 

Okay, so, you got a cat. What now? How do you take care of it? Do I just feed it, give it a toilet, and let it be?

 

Well, no. Cats require stimulation just like any other animal, and the idea that cats like to sleep all day is misleading for that reason—-cats who sleep all the time aren’t being “typical”, they actually suffer from depression. It is necessary to provide a cat with food and a toilet they can dig a hole into, but to have a cat that is thriving, entertainment is just as necessary. 

 

So, you buy a simple toy? Nope! You might not need any of those hyper-expensive toys you get at the pet shop, nor any of those cat houses. What you will actually need for your cat is a carton box or a bag with a blanket, one or two balls that make jingly noises, a thing on a string (can be anything as long as they can draw their claws into it), a stuffed animal that is preferably a mouse or a bird, and a cat scratching tree. 

 

There are tons and tons of new and innovative toys for cats, but having spent an egregious amount of money on these toys and seeing them never touched I can vouch for the items I have listed to be the golden forms of cat entertainment. Especially the “thing-on-a-string” part rings true, as cats will typically start boxing anything that floats in the air, be it a jacket or an actual cat toy, but you can easily make that toy yourself and don’t need to spend money at the store. Just take a string and attach it to something stuffed or soft, and there you go. 

 

A sign that your cat is sufficiently entertained is when they go crazy for about half an hour every day—what people online call “zoomies” is actually a necessary part of a cat’s day. Their sudden burst of hyperactivity is actually the release of pent-up energy they accumulate naturally as part of their hunting instincts, and without any actual hunting indoors it expresses itself as a form of craziness when they run around the house and attack anything remotely offending-looking (that does include your pillows, so be careful). If your cat does not exhibit any of this behaviour and is a strictly indoor cat, then it is highly likely your cat suffers from depression, and it is necessary you introduce some form of entertainment for them. It is best recommended playing with your cat 5–10 minutes every day, but that number or requirement thereof differs from cat to cat. 

 

And what about feeding? Any particularities there? That wholly depends on your budget. The best way to feed a cat is to give it food twice a day. Soft food provides both hydration and nutrition, and it is good to pick a brand that adds the least number of sugars—-sugars are horrible for cat’s hygiene, and if you don’t want your cat to end up being toothless then I highly recommend picking a reputable brand. But in case you don’t want to gamble with your cat’s dental hygiene, dry granules are the best choice. The packaging of dry granules typically includes portion sizes (which should be followed if the cat is strictly indoors and doesn’t do much physical activity) and are often specific in what they are for—some dry granules are for urinary issues, for hypersensitive stomachs, and some for overweight cats, and others are standard flavoured granules that you may pick from. Any will do, as long as your cat likes it.

 

When you do figure out what type of food your cat likes, stick with it. Don’t unnecessarily change a cat’s diet as this is not a comfortable experience for the cat—-animals rarely like change, especially in their food, and it can lead to increased stress. In case you need to switch things up due to budget restrictions or other reasons, then introduce the new food slowly by mixing it with the old food until you replace it entirely. That way you will spare yourself a week of worrying whether your cat is sick since they refuse to eat at all. 

 

In terms of water, there is a caveat. You can give a cat a normal bowl of water and call it a day, but if you are not on a budget and would like to provide your cat with the utmost comfort, then I recommend a water fountain. Cats prefer moving and fresh water instead of stagnant bowl water, and unfortunately, they are quite stubborn when it comes to that, and so to avoid accidentally dehydrating your cat, you can either get a water fountain or mix the cat’s food with water in addition to the water bowl. 

 

Conclusion 

Well then! Now you know how to take care of a cat and where to acquire one—-I sincerely hope that this has been an informative read, and that you will be just as delighted about your cat as I have been with my ten little fluff balls.