Talking with our teens
Over the last few weeks, I had meetings with Middle school and High school parents to learn more about your experiences and thoughts, so we can learn together and so that I can devise workshops and spaces that would be useful to you.
If you have topics that you would like to learn more about, please reach out to me through Edupage, and we can arrange sessions on any topic related to our students, such as Digital spaces and technology, Emotional wellbeing, Navigating social settings and friendships, Time management, Setting boundaries, etc.
For those who missed it, we also discussed an important topic: Talking with our teens. The only way to find out what is going on with our children is to talk to them and spend a lot of time with them. To do so, we need to have a strong relationship and great listening skills so that our children feel comfortable talking to us. Conversation helps us identify problems early, and prevent mental health issues from escalating. It also enables us to seek external help for our children if they need it. Talking is a key tool of prevention and makes sure our children feel loved, heard, and supported.
In the meeting, we discussed a number of points that make us good listeners and people that our children trust with their problems. A few are mentioned here, in case you might find them useful:
- Give them the benefit of the doubt and good intentions. There was likely a reason why they did what they did. Assume they are capable and intelligent.
- Be curious and ask open-ended questions, do not assume anything.
- Be an active listener, be engaged and empathetic, and ask follow up questions. It helps to mirror back what they are saying or ask clarifying questions to make sure you understood correctly.
- Guide them to think for themselves. Help them think critically by asking many questions about what happens in their life. This also helps them see the consequences of their actions through the conversation.
- Help them think of ways to feel better and cope with challenges, rather than just letting them complain.
- Often tell them about their strengths and what you admire about who they are, not their looks, grades, or what they do for you. Appreciate them for what they offer to the world.
- Allow them space and privacy when they need it. Sometimes, they might not want to share or won’t know how to explain what is going on with them. Give them time and do not force it.
- Try to do activities you enjoy together, it is easier to get them to talk when you are doing something.
- Be a listening ear, do not burden your children with too many of your emotions about how things are going in their life. They are not equipped to carry your load. When we show children that we are not scared of their experiences, they learn not to be scared of them. That’s what builds their confidence.
- Tell them you are so glad they are speaking with you. Let them know you are always there for them, and be available whenever they need you.
- Make sure to have fun together and share silly things too! Sharing shouldn’t be only about the difficulties in life.
Thank you to those who attended and shared their experiences, and looking forward to more sessions in the future!
